Monday, October 25, 2010

Spanish Why


6915 SEASIDE Walk, Long Beach, CA 90803
Wishing Price: $3,300,000
Beds: 4
Baths: 2.5
Sq. Ft.: 3,498
$/Sq. Ft.: $943
Lot Size: 2,394 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 2002
Community: Belmont Shore/Park/Naples/Marina Pacific/Bay Harbor
MLS#: P715930
On Redfin: 294 days
Down Payment: $660,000
Income Requirement: $754,000
Monthly Nut: $18,000
Description: Private Spectacular Location, Oceanfront, on the Sand with Awesome Panoramic Views of Catalina Island, Port of Long Beach, Seal Beach, Alamitos Bay and Naples Island. This gorgeous tri-level Mediterranean (2002 new construction) Peninsula home provides effortless waterfront living and entertaining. Dramatic sweeping spiral staircase leads you from the first to the second and third levels wrapping the circular turret. This open and airy floor plan has high ceilings, gorgeous architectural details including barrel ceilings and beautiful arches. Gourmet kitchen with granite counters, Bosch dishwasher, custom cabinetry, over-sized center island, Master Bath has a Hydro-System Whirlpool (78 x 44 x 21, 105 gal) bath. This incredible property must be seen to be appreciated custom paint, hardwood and travertine flooring, custom draperies, lighting and architectural details with absolutely incredible custom-design ceramic tile, large private patio over looks the Pacific Ocean.

I'll never understand sellers like this.

You've been collecting dust on the MLS for a few months shy of a year, yet your listing price has only come down $195,000, or 5.5 percent.

Five point five!

What the fuck are you waiting for, these appliances to come back into style?

Need I remind you that you're asking THREE POINT THREE MILLION DOLLARS?

There's simply no excuse for those old-ass appliances. I realize this place was built in 2002, but I'm reasonably sure stainless steel was popular even back then.

And even if it wasn't, you're asking THREE POINT THREE MILLION DOLLARS!

High-end buyers looking to drop that much loot expect Viking appliances at a minimum.

If the rest of the details and materials were as impressive as your staircase...

...you might be onto something.

But instead we get Mehhh-morial Day:




My dude, you need to get in the game.

By now it's exceedingly obvious that buyers aren't willing to shell out $18,000 in monthly outlays (yes, you read that correctly) for your idea of an "incredible property."

Plus, your Spanish theme is alright, but I think it looks cheesy and inconsistent with a high-end house (and wholly inconsistent with the modern exterior design).



For $943 per square foot(!), buyers are looking for The Four Seasons, not the The #4 at SuperMex.

Furthermore, you purchased in 2001 for a million clams...even after construction costs (which couldn't have been that much -- it's not like you splurged anywhere) you should still have a lot of equity and a nice, comfortable cushion.

Yet here you are, watching your property rot before your very eyes. And your obstinance is even more confounding when you consider the insane number of days you've been begging on the market, news of housing prices not only not recovering but in fact entering a double-dip, and reports of massive government layoffs (what were once thought to be "stable" jobs that home sellers could count on).

I just can't figure out why you're so reluctant to accept reality, lower the price, and get it sold.

Oh:

"Seller/Owner/Principal Real Estate Licensed"

Say no more.

Well, one last thing: Can I just congratulate you in advance on your second year on the market?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Circle of Duh: UPDATE II

Oct 15, 2010 - Price Changed $375,000

After spending the last TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN DAYS stuck on the same ridiculous asking price, just days after my latest post the price dropped by $15,000.

Looks like somebody reads the Long Beach Housing Blog.

Or is it just coincidence?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Days on Market: 324

I mean, why not just take it off the market? 11 months on the MLS and you've only managed a measly 8% price reduction...from a hilariously WTF asking price, no less.

And that last price cut was seven months ago!

Just give up the ghost, buddy. You're clearly not interested in selling, so pack up your stupid fish-eye lens and quit wasting our time.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


2805 East 3RD St #14, 90814
WTF Price: $425,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,000
$/Sq. Ft.: $425 (The highest ppsft in this zip is $314)
Year Built: 1974
MLS#: S596231
Source: SoCalMLS
On Redfin: 30 days
HOA Fine: $263
Down Payment: $15,000 (FHA)
Income Requirement (4x income): $106,000 (FHA would probably be more lenient here)
Monthly Nut: $2,900 (FHA)
Description: Fabulous opportunity! This Belmont Heights condo is completely re-done in the highest quality. This property is turn-key and immediate occupancy is available. Upgrades include: Spectacular walnut kitchen with cove ceiling with recessed lighting, tile flooring, stainless steel stove and dishwasher. Eating area. Crown mouldings and baseboards as well as new doors and casings throughout. Living room has an enclosed balcony, beautiful fireplace and is wired for a flat screen over the mantle. Both bathrooms highly upgraded including granite counter tops. The Master bedroom has new fan with lighting and balcony. A walk in closet and 2 additional closets--no storage issues here! This condo won the 2005 Belmont Beautification Award. This has to be the best value on the market today! Laundry Facilities are down the hall.

I was just going to post this property as a Shitty Realtor Photo of the Day, but I feel like the level of sheer delusion and stupidity warrants a further look.

First of all, shithead, thanks for the one photo of a condo that you claim won the highly prestigious "2005 Belmont Beautification Award" (whatever the holy fuck that is). Do you realize how unbelievably stupid that makes you look?

Not only that, but the photo you included has to be one of the most useless, out-of-focus, diarrhea-brained fuck ups I've ever seen. It looks like you took that shot with a Fothflex dipped in a vat of melted margarine while being tased in the corroded artery.

However, I was able to make out that big, gaping hole where the refrigerator should be. Newsflash, asshole: If I have to go out shopping for a new $1,000 fridge and sit around all Saturday waiting for two sweaty dudes to haul it up to my apartment--THIS PLACE AIN'T FUCKING "TURN-KEY."

And then there's the price. Good lord, man. $425,000?!

For the love of Peter Venkman the tax basis on this thing is only $273,000!

How did you even come up with that number? "How can I convince my therapist that I really am out of my mind"?

The monthly nut on this place, assuming a buyer gets an FHA loan (the FHA's new motto should be: "FHA...where the fuck else you gonna go?") is roughly $2,900. Dude, for a 1,000 square foot apartment that's missing appliances? I'd rather rent on the beach, stay nimble, and save a grand per month while doing it.

Interestingly, the listing information reveals that at one point the price was $390,000 (which is still a crack-smokin' number). Which begs the question, What bong-loaded economic green shoot prompted that $35,000 increase?

The comps certainly can't be what's fueling this greed-soaked idiocy. The only guy in the area asking for this kind of money is 188 Temple ($435,000) and he's too stupid to even include an interior photo.

Other than that moron, the next closest in price is the highly upgraded 315 Winnipeg ($395,000). And despite sporting an extra 200 square feet and a $30,000 discount, he's been rotting on the market since October with no love.

So what chance does our guy at 2805 3rd have?


But that dose of reality still won't deter him nor hundreds of other Long Beach sellers from enjoying their fool's paradise. To their dying breath they will defend their entitlement to massive bubble profits--market realities be damned. And some buyers have been bluffed into believing these prices have some footing in reality! Fools being fooled by fools fooling themselves. Like one continuous circle of Duh.

Sometimes I get the feeling that the return to normalcy and reasonably affordable housing for hardworking people is nothing but a fata morgana, one that gets further away the closer we seem to get.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

$805 Per Square Foot in The Heights


4512 East BARKER Way, Long Beach, CA 90814
Wishing Price: $670,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 1
Sq. Ft.: 832
$/Sq. Ft.: $805
Lot Size: 2,400 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1924
Community: Belmont Heights/Alamitos Heights
County: Los Angeles
MLS#: P748010
On Redfin: 61 days
Down Payment: $134,000
Income Requirement: $153,000 (3.5x mortgage)/$191,000 (3.5x home price)
Monthly Nut: $3,400
Description (if you can call it that): Stunning Belmont Heights, very private location! This home has never been on the market! This spanish home is very rare.

They're not far off on that "This home has never been on the market" claim. Check out the 2009 tax basis:

Land $22,394
Additions $7,881
Total $30,275
________________
Tax (2009): $542


Holy toledo!

This thing has been in the family for ages. And now the next of kin want to sink their greasy fangs into mee-maw's goldmine. But their greed is preventing them from seeing just how unbelievably outrageous this asking price is.

It's worth noting that not a single property has sold during the last six months for above $635,000 in this area. And that 635k sale was a great looking bungalow in Belmont Shore, sporting 130 extra square feet, a bigger lot, and, well, SOME ACTUAL FUCKING PHOTOS.

What is this listing agent thinking letting a property with such an ambitious (read: absurd) asking price sit on the MLS for 62 days without a single decent picture?

Furthermore, what is this agent thinking letting his clients be the laughing stock of Belmont Heights? I mean, $805 per square foot?

For this shack?!

WTF are you smoking?

The house is on Barker Way, so I thought this quote from Happy Gilmore was appropriate:

"The price is wrong, bitch!"

Believe me, if there is a nationwide foreclosure moratorium and REO and short sale properties (which are a considerable chunk of Southern California supply) are taken off the market, all we'll be left with is greedtards like this.

Try to contain your excitement.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

One Foot Out the Door: UPDATE

As I predicted, this deadbeat skipped town and left the bank to deal with the mess.

The bank lent out $560,000 in 2005 for this joint, and is now asking a measly $379,900 -- a nearly $181,000 difference.

Anyway, I imagine the new REO price will entice some buyers.

Or will it?

Unless you've been living in a Chilean mine for the last few weeks (too soon?), you've heard about what some are calling "Foreclosuregate."

From what I understand, banks were wholly ill-prepared for the massive influx of foreclosures starting in 2007 ("Wait a minute. I thought prices only went up and people could 'just refinance' when they had trouble making payments.") and hired any jabroni off the street with a pulse (kind of sounds like their mortgage-issuance strategy too). And under pressure to process this ever-growing pile of foreclosures, these knuckleheads mishandled, fudged, or outright forged a lot of the paperwork.

For some reason the mainstream media is focusing on "illegal" foreclosures, and the prospect that some people were foreclosed on improperly. I assure you, other than a handful of anecdotal examples, THAT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED.

The overwhelming majority of those being foreclosed on are delinquent and deserve to be kicked the hell out like these self-entitled scumbags (warning, do not read that if you're easily nauseated by victim-mentality deadbeats who expect you to pay their bills). So that's not the issue here.

The issue is: who actually has the right to foreclose?

In a nutshell, the ownership of mortgages (we've all heard of lenders bundling loans and selling them to investors, pension funds, etc.) was tracked electronically by MERS (Mortgage Electronic Registration Systems). So all of that information is there -- don't let anyone blow that out of proportion.

The problem is that in judicial-foreclosure states like Florida, the courts can be quite strict about paperwork requirements and sometimes require more than these electronic records.

Which brings us to title insurance.

Imagine you buy an REO like this one, move in your furniture, and are having a romantic evening with your lady. Luther Vandross, ice cubes in your Rosé, laying on a bear skin rug. You know, romantic.

You're swimming in bliss because in addition to the classy lady at your side, you're no longer a scum-of-the-earth renter, you have in-unit laundry, and the renters downstairs typically turn off their Oakenfold mixes by 1 a.m.

Then there's a knock at the door.

An investment group who bought your mortgage in one of JP Morgan's investment vehicles is claiming ownership of your new abode. Their paperwork shows they are the rightful title owners and this is their apartment.

Then there's another knock at the door.

The deadbeat family who got foreclosed on last year says they were improperly kicked out due to paperwork abnormalities -- completely ignoring the fact they refinanced, bought an Escalade, went to Tahiti, then defaulted on their loan when the going got tough -- and therefore these documentation issues (somehow) prove they are the rightful title owners and this is their apartment.

How excited do you think title insurers are going to be to sort all that shit out in the courts?

Answer: Not very.

Which is why large title insurers such as Old Republic have refused to issue title insurance on any property owned by GMAC or JP Morgan Chase, due to the difficulty establishing who actually owns the right to foreclose.

How many of you bought or plan to buy a home without title insurance?

Exactly.

What an unholy mess.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Address: 4649 E 4th St. #16, 90814
Asking Price: $449,000
Year Built: 1985
Size: 2 beds, 2 baths, 1,401 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $320
HOA Fee: $390 (!)
Purchase price: $560,000
Purchase date: 10/2005
MLS#: P683862
On Redfin: 10 days
Down Payment: $90,000
Monthly Payment: $2,700
Income Requirement: $128,000
Description: This 2 bedroom & 2 bath gorgeous condo is a must see. Turn key pride of ownership. Foyer entry, to gorgeous distressed wood floors throughout. The entire home has been remodeled with exquisite taste. Chandeliers throughout the home. Mahogany fireplace. New Kenmore appliances. In wall safe. Tumble marble flooring in bedroom and bathroom.

Yeah, but does it have a chandelier above the toilet like this guy? I didn’t think so.

Er, well, actually, close enough:


And what's up with the sink in this (cluttered, messy) bathroom? Is that another toilet?



It looks like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's hemorrhoid pillow:



The most significant aspect of this apartment is the 2002 sales price. $291,000 ($208 per square) seems like a pretty good deal considering the bubble had already been picking up steam by '02. But what the holy hell was our current seller thinking when he determined paying $560,000 just three years later made good financial sense?

20% annual appreciation seemed “normal” to you? Really? Hell, Bernie Madoff couldn't even hit those numbers.

And speaking of bloodsucking leeches, check out these creepy drawer pulls:

Is it just me, or do these bathroom cabinets look like the cheap-o 1985 originals with a half-assed paint job?

Anyhow, I still find it amusing when people compare current asking prices to peak-o-the-bubble prices and conclude it must be a "good deal” because it’s “X% off.”

What they don’t consider is what the property sold for pre-bubble. When we finally hit the bottom, most properties will have fallen (at least) to their pre-bubble prices and considering how much “equity” has been wiped off the face of the planet in such a short amount of time due to this unprecedented, now undeniable housing bubble, people need to use pre-bubble prices as the pricing starting point. Moving backwards from an artificial, reality-defying, Ponzi-scheme-derived sales price to determine "value" is as useless as a kickstand on a tricycle.

This condo is a perfect example. The current asking price of $449,000 is “20% off” the 2005 price of $560,000.

“Wow! What a steal!”

BUT, today’s price is an astounding 54% ABOVE the 2002 price (which isn’t even a “pre-bubble” price--it's two full years into the bubble). Considering most Long Beach condos are selling for 2003 prices and headed lower, is this still a “smokin’ deal?”

It’s all about perspective.




As you can clearly see, this individual picked a REALLY bad time to buy, and an even worse time to sell. If this seller can find a sucker to pay the current asking price of $449,000, the loss to the loanowner will be $137,000--not including the costs of upgrades.

If we’re nice and estimate the seller spent $40,000 on “distressed” (just like the seller!) wood floors and other upgrades (which will be fortunate to fetch $0.50 on the dollar in this highly-competitive, post-“Flip This House” environment), the seller will face a catastrophic loss of nearly $160,000.

Wow, that’s about $40,000 in depreciation for every year of ownership!

But it gets worse. That's because this place has ZERO chance of selling for $449,000. Sure, this large apartment is nicely appointed (bathroom cabinets notwithstanding) and has every amenity you could ever need (pool, inside laundry, two secure parking spots. etc.) but the days of half-a-million-dollar non-beachfront condos are dead like personal responsibility.

Some might point out that the price per square foot isn’t that crazy compared to the neighbors, but the point is the neighbors aren’t selling either!

I think this seller could find a knife catcher if they slashed $65,000 from the demand tonight. They don’t know it yet, but if they accepted $385,000 right now it would be the best thing that ever happened to them. My prediction is they’ll reject such “lowball” “scavenger” offers throughout the year only to discover in winter that the market has completely passed them by. Only then will they realize that $385,000 would have been a phenomenal deal.

But they can't go down to $385,000. Because although they might have enough equity to absorb a $160,000 loss (keep in mind this is not a short sale!), a $225,000 loss is a completely different animal. Which means this will eventually become a short sale.

And given the ever-growing volume of distressed properties lenders must contend with, the bank probably won’t be able to act quickly enough to prevent this from going into foreclosure.

Hell, some of the photos make me think the seller already has one foot out the door:

Gold records stacked neatly along the wall...


Crap in boxes (lit beautifully by that chandelier, by the way) ready to go...


It appears as if they're already waving the white flag. And with a ~$3,400 monthly payment, it's not difficult to see why.

The good news is, once wannabes like this are purged from the market and Long Beach real estate values return to some semblance of reality, you and I will be able to snag swanky little apartments like this for reasonable, affordable prices.

Be patient. We'll get there.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Grenade on Granada: UPDATE



Holy crap. Do you remember this dummy?

This design disaster was listed in June 2009 for $699,000 and pulled off the market after five fruitless months. No biggie, just another delusional nutjob who couldn't get his wishing price, tucked his tail between his legs, and delisted the house never to be seen again.

Well, not so fast.

Because he's back.

And he's armed with a $76,000 price increase.

WTF?

He must be snorting massive rails of Hopecaine, because I simply can't figure out how he justifies that massive premium over the last failed listing.

It's also worth noting that the home has now been abandoned:



This pig-faced property is a Notice of Default waiting to happen.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Address: 341 Granada, 90814
Asking Price: $699,000
Year Built: 1923
Size: 3 bed, 3 bath, 1,650 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $424
Purchase Price: $415,000
Purchase Date: 4/2002
MLS#: P692837
On Redfin: 4 days
Down Payment: $140,000
Monthly Payment: $4,000
Income Requirement: $200,000
Description: A Long Beach Landmark! This stunning Collision design home features 3 levels of living space with spectacular Lagoon views from almost every window. 1st level features a large kitchen, laundry room, formal dining room, large bedroom and a 3/4 bathroom. 2nd level features large open living room area with tons of windows and light, optional 3rd bedroom and a bath. 3rd level features a huge master suite retreat with vaulted beamed ceilings, a balcony deck, large bathroom, and tons of light. The outside has been recently repainted to show the true uniqueness of this amazing home. The entire home features tons of natural light, wonderful open spaces, front courtyard area, and a 2-car garage.

Weird. I was just in this neighborhood yesterday (happy birthday, D!) and I don't remember seeing this house. You would think this Picasso-esque oddity--ERRR..."landmark" would stand out.

After looking at this exterior photo:

...I was expecting a lot more than 1,650 square feet.

But then I saw this one:

...and it became abundantly clear why the interior dimensions appear so cramped.
Plus, when you click on Aerial View you can really see how the tiny triangular lot affects the interior layout.

The most disappointing thing about this house is that the level of creativity that went into the exterior evidently did not make it to the interior.



Glass blocks? A gray tub? Given the gross 80s cues, it's clear that the current owner, who purchased in '02, was not the one who built this house--he purchased this place as-is from the 1989 buyer.

I have to give credit to owners expressing themselves and building something unique in Long Beach but as I've said before, one person's quirky (and pricey) personal taste means fuckall to potential buyers.

The greatest example of that is this idiot on Park. After a tortuous 684 days on the MLS, documented here, it's clear that there is virtually no market for these custom-built oddities (especially overpriced ones).

If you're planning on living in it forever, shit, build whatever the hell you want. Custom build a place too look like Winnie the Pooh's house if that's your thing.

But don't hold your breath in anticipation of finding a cash-flush buyer who shares your particular love of that honey-chugging charmer willing to hand you a handsome profit for what your particular peculiarities hath wrought.

You know what I think to myself when I see houses like this? "Yeah, if it was dirt cheap I might buy it as a goof." In other words, this kind of look-at-me "uniqueness" is actually a detriment to selling because this level of customization and personal flair can easily put houses in the Only-At-A-Discount category.

Heck, just ask the 1989 buyer. He bought this property for $410,000 in October '89 and (presumably) built it to its current condition. After 13 years of ownership and hundreds of thousands in construction costs, he sold in April 2002 for $415,000--just five grand more than he paid. But the NAR told me home values double every 10 years!

Sure, he successfully found a buyer who shared his quirky tastes, but in order to make the deal happen he had to slash the price to the extent that he lost massive amounts of cash. Will our current seller have to do the same?

Given current sales in this neighborhood, asking $424 per square foot isn't that far off. But, again, the key question is: Will this house require an Idiosyncrasy Discount to sell?

Monday, October 11, 2010

Saint Stupid: FINAL UPDATE

Sold on 09/30/2010 - $839,500


Wow, somebody got ripped the fuck off.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The price was "$825,000" and changed to "$839,500"

Yeesh. Talk about slack-jawed optimism.

Hey dummy, you've been on the market for 13 months...don't you think it's about time to get serious?

What a delusional idiot.

UPDATE: It gets worse. Remember his (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay nicer) competition on Monrovia?

After nearly a year of market-chasing, that guy sold in March for $805,000, a monstrous reduction from the original $1,055,000 asking price.

Just why this obtunded fool on St. Joseph believes his hideous domicile deserves a $25,000 premium over the larger, significantly more impressive Monrovia house, I'll never know.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The price was "$875,000" and changed to "$850,000"

I have to give him credit for consistently lowering the price, but I've got bad news: on the very same day as his $25,000 price reduction, his (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay nicer) competition on Monrovia lowered his ask to $835,000 (FYI, that's down from $1,055,000 in July 2009. He's been reducing the price every week since).

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I apologize for the recent focus on 90803 bungalows, but these nitwits and their delusional senses of entitlement have to be called out.

Address: 222 SAINT JOSEPH Ave, 90803
Asking Price: $875,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,600
$/Sq. Ft.: $547
Lot Size: 4,050 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1937
MLS#: P694685
Source: SoCalMLS
On Redfin: 157 days
Down Payment: $175,000
Income Requirement: $220,000
Monthly Nut: $4,800
Description: BACK ON THE MARKET!!! Will consider trade for a duplex with a yard. Restored, enlarged Belmont Shore showplace home on a larger lot. 2 bedrooms / 2 bathrooms plus office and den. Gorgeous landscaping with waterfall and pond - featured in Long Beach magazine. Spa. Newewr bathrooms and kitchen. Shower / steam room. Double garage behind available. Forced air heating & cooling, tankless water heater. Fireplace in living room. Crown molding & hardwood floors. Granite kitchen tile and bathroom floors and counter top.

"Will consider trade for a duplex with a yard." Hey fuckwit, for $875,000 I and every other potential buyer want a duplex with a yard too. THAT'S WHY YOUR SHIT HASN'T SOLD IN FIVE MONTHS.

What an idiot.

And speaking of idiocy..."Newewr"?

Really? In a listing demanding nearly a million bones?

Or how about "Restored, enlarged Belmont Shore showplace home." Dude, we're talking about 1,600 square feet. How "enlarged" can it be?

[Speaking of enlargement, you want to know why those boner pill companies are allowed to exist despite being completely full of it (come on, think about it. If that shit worked, they wouldn't possibly be able to produce enough of it. Every single solitary dude on the planet would be ordering cases of the stuff. Bottles would be bursting out of glove boxes and briefcases across the globe. This would become a world of men walking around with tree trunks stuffed into their trousers. Hell, we'd all need motherfuckin' motorized scooters to get around)? Because they vaguely claim that they make you "bigger" and "firmer." But they specifically avoid saying bigger and firmer than what. If we're talking about making you bigger than you were after a few laps in a cold pool, sure. Mission accomplished. But bigger than usual while "in the moment?" They craftily decline to say. And how do you know it wasn't rolling around with your partner that made you "bigger"? You don't. So although there is no way to prove the pill made you "bigger," (more importantly) there is no way to prove it didn't--and therefore the ads were not misleading. Plus, who would be crazy enough to file the first lawsuit bitching that the magic beans he ordered from the interwebs failed to make his (obviously) tiny junk into an unwieldly, Incredible Hulk-sized axe handle? Ta-daaaaa!]


Back to our regularly scheduled thrashing. This dude claims his joint is a "showplace."


Uh, okay. Whatever you say.

And just what does "Double garage behind available" mean? Does it cost extra or something?

With marketing acumen like this, it's no wonder buyers have been straight up ignoring your property since March. That's right. The house has been on the market since Q109 but after just 41 days the seller took their ball and went home when nobody would pay their Wishing Price.

In July the beggar--ERRRR...seller proudly proclaimed, it's "BACK ON THE MARKET!!!", naturally expecting people to give a shit. And it's been rotting ever since with zero buyer interest despite two $50,000 price cuts (both in October, 15 days apart).

Oct 23, 2009 - Price Changed $875,000
Oct 08, 2009 - Price Changed $925,000
Jul 10, 2009 - Listed $975,000
May 07, 2009 - Delisted
Mar 27, 2009 - Listed


Unfortunately, this delusual Long Beach seller lost his discounting momentum just when it seemed like he was starting to understand how this market works.

Sure, this thing is in the Shore, but so what?

How are you going to compete with sellers like this property, on the beach side of 2nd Street? It sports two extra bedrooms, a bonus bathroom, 216 additional square feet and, other than some horrendous wallpaper that reminds me of the end result the last time I drank Jagermeister, is far superior in the looks department (and, well, every other department too).

Answer: You're not going to compete.

Not with your kitchen, anyway:


Woof.

Or how are you going to compete with this cozy nearby property? I have a feeling buyers would be far more willing to pay an extra five grand for an extra bedroom and 200 additional square feet. Just a hunch.

Oh, but this guy has something over all those other properties. As the listing description so thoughtfully and eloquently puts it: "Spa."


Yikes. All I want for Christmas is a staph infection.

Look, cash-flush people (yes, they still exist--despite what the doom and gloomers proclaim, plenty of people are still employed and have cash stockpiles from waiting on the sidelines for years) are going to continue to severely overpay for 90803 properties. That's just the reality of people with more money than brains (or patience). Case in point.

But unless the glory days of 8x income loans and credit cards for housecats return, I just don't see how 222 St. Joseph sells for $875,000.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

A BEAUTIFUL BUNGALOW BUNGLED?: NOT SO FAST



The status was "Sold" and changed to "Active"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hat tip Morekaos

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sold on 09/25/2010 - $680,000

Well that only took 19 months.

After he writes a commission check to his worthless turd of a realtor, we're back to the 2004 price of $635,000. But hey, at least he broke even and didn't lose any money on the deal, right?

Uh, not so fast.

Because last time I checked granite counters, recessed lighting, landscaping, custom wood decks and vinyl windows weren't free.

So, yeah, this guy lost a big chunk of change.

And it was all totally, completely preventable. During the last year and a half how many "low-ball" $750,000, $725,000 and $700,000 offers from "bottom feeders" do you think this greedy dimwit flat-out rejected? Can't you just imagine him, back in the halcyon days when he foolishly believed $930,000 was a reasonable asking price, not even sending counter offers and his hack realtor smugly telling buyers' agents how "offended" and "shocked" the owner was at the offers?

This seller must be furious with himself. His bad case of My Place Is Special Syndrome (MYPISS) and idiotic decision to stubbornly cling to fantasy pricing not only ruined his early chance of walking away with profits, but ended up costing him tens of thousands of dollars.

2004 pricing has officially arrived in the Heights, but you're nuts if you think this comp will cause any of the innumerable delusional idiots in this neighborhood to drop their prices. Especially in light of the recently revealed foreclosure fraud rampant in the system (which is a much bigger story than the big boys are playing it off as), deflation of the Great Housing Bubble and a return to normal levels of supply will take much longer than any of us hopeful homeowners had feared. From the linked article:

Mark Zandi, chief economist for Moodys.com, said that, in the worst-case scenario, the document-processing problems could lengthen the foreclosure process from three years to as long as a decade, especially if homeowners use the flawed paperwork to appeal their evictions.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Thanks to our pal Morekaos for keeping us up to date on this property.

The price was "$729,000" and changed to "$699,999"

After more than a year and a half on the market, this is way too little, way too late. It's been wearing the scarlet "S" of Stale-Ass Listings for quite some time now, and this piss-ant 4% price reduction isn't going to get them anywhere.

Given that (his second) Super Summer Selling Season(tm) is quickly coming to an end, I guess he'll just have to wait until next summer in the hopes that easy-money, $0-down loans have made a major comeback by then.

Of note, the listing still says, "PRICED TO SELL!!!" He's serious this time, folks! Now he really means it! Scout's honor!

It's worth noting that this asking price is rapidly approaching his 2004 purchase price. Yikes.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Our pal Morekaos dropped by to inform us that 219 Belmont is back on the market...this time with a stunning $100,000 price reduction.

This idiot has been chasing the market down since January 2009 with no luck. He's praying to the high heavens that the current $749,000 ask will get the job done, but that's where it should have been priced last year. Although $384 per square foot is reasonable, you're a little late to the party, dummy.

And, although you're sporting a new price, your realtard is still sporting the same ALL-CAPS listing description. In fact, it still says "PRICED TO SELL!!!" Um, you also said that when it was priced at $849,000 in October.

So, if it was supposedly "PRICED TO SELL!!!" at $849,000 but was summarily IGNORED by the buying public, with your obvious lack of real estate accumen and glaring inability to compute simple numbers and determine when something is woefully overpriced for the current market, just why should anyone trust you that this time -- really guys, I swear, no joke, I'm serious now, mulligan! -- it's really, truly "PRICED TO SELL!!!" at $749,000?

The answer is: They shouldn't trust you. Because you clearly have no idea what you're doing.

My advice is to find different work, because every day you spend in this (dying) profession is just another 24 hours you look like a total dumbass.

And not to pile on (okay, okay...to pile on) it's worth noting that this little-r realtor still hasn't fixed the "SEPERATE" typo. Heckuva job, dipshit! You're a real pro!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Hi puppy!

219 Belmont Ave, 90803
Price: $849,000
Beds: 3
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,950
$/Sq. Ft.: $435
Lot Size: 6,150 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1920
MLS#: P705713
On Redfin: 270 days
Down Payment: $169,800
Income Requirement: $243,000
Monthly Nut: $4,700 - $5,100 (depending on financing)
Description: PRICED TO SELL!!! REDUCED $80,000!! THIS BEAUTIFUL CALIFORNIA BUNGALOW IS A MUST SEE! COMPLETELY REFURBISHED BOTH INSIDE AND OUT, WITH ORIGINAL BUNGALOW CHARM KEPT INTACT. ORIGINAL HARDWOOD FLOORS THROUGHOUT, REFINISHED TO PROTECT THEIR TIMELESS BEAUTY. FRONT & BACK YARDS NEWLY LANDSCAPED, W/LARGE BACKYARD INCLUDING SPACIOUS WOOD DECK. OPEN FLOOR PLAN WITH LARGE WINDOWS AND NATURAL SUNLIGHT. 3RD BEDROOM FEATURES FIREPLACE AND FRENCH DOORS OUT TO GARDEN, CAN BE USED AS MOTHER-IN-LAW UNIT W/SEPERATE ENTRANCE (HAS OWN GAS & WATER HOOKUPS). DEVELOPMENT OPPORTUNITIES INCLUDE BUILDING 2ND STORY FOR LARGER HOME OR ADDTL INCOME UNIT (R2 LOT). RECENT UPGRADES INCLUDE NEW ROOF WITHIN 12 MONTHS, NEW INSIDE PAINT. WALKING DISTANCE TO 2ND STREET WITH AMAZING RESTAURANTS AND SHOPPING, 2 BLOCKS TO BEACH. OCEAN VIEW FROM FRONT OF PROPERTY. WARM, FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD NEAR EXCELLENT SCHOOLS.

"SEPERATE"?

WHY, OH WHY DO YOU PEOPLE INSIST ON WRITING IN ALL CAPS? SERIOUSLY, SOMEONE EXPLAIN IT TO ME. MAYBE THERE IS A LEGITIMATE REASON, THAT ONCE BROUGHT TO LIGHT, WILL FOREVER CONVINCE ME THAT THIS HAS A PURPOSE OTHER THAN ANNOYING THE LIVING, BREATHING SHIT OUT OF ME.

THIS HOUSE IS FREAKING SWEET. I AM HARD PRESSED TO FIND ANY MAJOR FLAWS WITH IT. IT'S BIG (FOR BELMONT HEIGHTS), HAS MASSIVE CURB APPEAL AND A CUTE LITTLE YARD, AND IS IN A KILLER NEIGHBORHOOD.

BUT HE ACTUALLY EXPECTS US TO BE IMPRESSED WITH THIS PROCLAMATION: "REDUCED $80,000!!"

HEY SHIT HEEL, ALL THAT MEANS IS THAT YOU WERE $80,000 OVERPRICED. CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING A TURD-BURGLING GREEDHEAD--AND HAPPILY IDENTIFYING YOURSELF AS SUCH TO THE REST OF THE WORLD.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT'S "PRICED TO SELL!!!"? A HOUSE THAT FUCKING SELLS.
IT MAKES YOU WONDER: IF "850,000 IS "PRICED TO SELL," AND HE WAS RECENTLY PRICED AT A WALLET-NUKING $930,000...THEN JUST HOW WTF WAS HIS INITIAL ASKING PRICE TO EARN HIM THESE LAST 270 DAYS ON THE MARKET? $3 MILLION? 10?

IT DOESN'T MATTER. THE FACT IS, THIS DUDE WITH THE SWEET HOUSE AND THE BAD ASS DOG ON THE LAWN HAS BEEN GINGERLY REDUCING THE PRICE FOR ALMOST A YEAR TO NO AVAIL. SO, AFTER THIS LATEST $80,000 REDUCTION, SHOULD HE PLACE A CALL TO U-HAUL AND INVEST IN SOME CORRUGATED BOXES?

UH, MAYBE?

LET'S NOT FORGET HOW AWESOME THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS. AND ALTHOUGH THE PROPERTY FEATURES A SMALL, SO-SO KITCHEN, THIS PLACE IS CHARMING AND THREE BEDS AND 2,000 SQUARE FEET IN THE HEIGHTS IS HIGHLY DESIRABLE.

ONE LOOK AT THE PRICING HISTORY...

Oct 03, 2009 - Listed $849,000
Sep 12, 2009 - Delisted
May 07, 2009 - Price Changed
Mar 04, 2009 - Price Changed
Jan 14, 2009 - Price Changed
Jan 13, 2009 - Listed
Apr 30, 2004 - Sold $635,000


...AND IT'S CLEAR THAT IF HE GETS AGGRESSIVE (AND DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH HE DUMPED INTO THOSE MILD UPGRADES--WHICH DOESN'T APPEAR TO BE THAT MUCH) HE WILL NOT ONLY GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE, BUT WILL WALK WITH A BIT OF PROFIT IN A BRUTAL MARKET WHERE MOST LONG BEACH SELLERS THAT BOUGHT A FEW YEARS AGO ARE LOSING THEIR SHIRTS (AND PANTS AND SOCKS AND HATS AND ANKLE WEIGHTS AND SHOE HORNS...).

AND THAT'S BECAUSE HE BOUGHT SMART IN '04.

NOW HE JUST NEEDS TO SELL SMART IN '09.

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN STILL COMMAND A PREMIUM, PAL. KNOCKING ANOTHER $80,000 OFF MIGHT START A BIDDING WAR, OR, WHO KNOWS, IT MIGHT JUST LEAD TO YET ANOTHER PRICE REDUCTION AS FALL REARS ITS UGLY HEAD, CASH BUYERS DRY UP, INVENTORY INCREASES, AND JUMBO FINANCING CONTINUES ITS GRADUAL RESTRICTION.

ALL WE KNOW IS SO FAR $850,000 HASN'T BEEN ENOUGH TO GARNER INTEREST. IT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP THAT THE ONLY NEARBY PROPERTY THAT HAS SOLD DURING THE LAST SIX MONTHS FOR ANYWHERE CLOSE TO THIS PRICE WAS IN JUNE--AND SPORTED AN EXTRA 200 EXTRA SQUARE FEET.

BUT I REALLY LIKE THIS PROPERTY AND WILL OWN A HOUSE LIKE THIS IN THE FUTURE, SO I'M ROOTING FOR HIM.

DO YOU HEAR ME??? I'M ROOTING FOR YOU AND HOPE YOU FIND A BUYER!!! OTHERWISE I FEAR YOU'LL KEEP HANGING ON TO THAT DUSTY OLD DREAM OF "SPECIALNESS" AND ENTITLEMENT TO BUBBLE PROFITS AND MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO SELL WITHOUT BRINGING YOUR CHECKBOOK TO THE BARGAINING TABLE!!!

GET IN THE GAME, BUDDY!!!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Circle of Duh: UPDATE

Days on Market: 324

I mean, why not just take it off the market? 11 months on the MLS and you've only managed a measly 8% price reduction...from a hilariously WTF asking price, no less.

And that last price cut was seven months ago!

Just give up the ghost, buddy. You're clearly not interested in selling, so pack up your stupid fish-eye lens and quit wasting our time.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


2805 East 3RD St #14, 90814
WTF Price: $425,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 1,000
$/Sq. Ft.: $425 (The highest ppsft in this zip is $314)
Year Built: 1974
MLS#: S596231
Source: SoCalMLS
On Redfin: 30 days
HOA Fine: $263
Down Payment: $15,000 (FHA)
Income Requirement (4x income): $106,000 (FHA would probably be more lenient here)
Monthly Nut: $2,900 (FHA)
Description: Fabulous opportunity! This Belmont Heights condo is completely re-done in the highest quality. This property is turn-key and immediate occupancy is available. Upgrades include: Spectacular walnut kitchen with cove ceiling with recessed lighting, tile flooring, stainless steel stove and dishwasher. Eating area. Crown mouldings and baseboards as well as new doors and casings throughout. Living room has an enclosed balcony, beautiful fireplace and is wired for a flat screen over the mantle. Both bathrooms highly upgraded including granite counter tops. The Master bedroom has new fan with lighting and balcony. A walk in closet and 2 additional closets--no storage issues here! This condo won the 2005 Belmont Beautification Award. This has to be the best value on the market today! Laundry Facilities are down the hall.

I was just going to post this property as a Shitty Realtor Photo of the Day, but I feel like the level of sheer delusion and stupidity warrants a further look.

First of all, shithead, thanks for the one photo of a condo that you claim won the highly prestigious "2005 Belmont Beautification Award" (whatever the holy fuck that is). Do you realize how unbelievably stupid that makes you look?

Not only that, but the photo you included has to be one of the most useless, out-of-focus, diarrhea-brained fuck ups I've ever seen. It looks like you took that shot with a Fothflex dipped in a vat of melted margarine while being tased in the corroded artery.

However, I was able to make out that big, gaping hole where the refrigerator should be. Newsflash, asshole: If I have to go out shopping for a new $1,000 fridge and sit around all Saturday waiting for two sweaty dudes to haul it up to my apartment--THIS PLACE AIN'T FUCKING "TURN-KEY."

And then there's the price. Good lord, man. $425,000?!

For the love of Peter Venkman the tax basis on this thing is only $273,000!

How did you even come up with that number? "How can I convince my therapist that I really am out of my mind"?

The monthly nut on this place, assuming a buyer gets an FHA loan (the FHA's new motto should be: "FHA...where the fuck else you gonna go?") is roughly $2,900. Dude, for a 1,000 square foot apartment that's missing appliances? I'd rather rent on the beach, stay nimble, and save a grand per month while doing it.

Interestingly, the listing information reveals that at one point the price was $390,000 (which is still a crack-smokin' number). Which begs the question, What bong-loaded economic green shoot prompted that $35,000 increase?

The comps certainly can't be what's fueling this greed-soaked idiocy. The only guy in the area asking for this kind of money is 188 Temple ($435,000) and he's too stupid to even include an interior photo.

Other than that moron, the next closest in price is the highly upgraded 315 Winnipeg ($395,000). And despite sporting an extra 200 square feet and a $30,000 discount, he's been rotting on the market since October with no love.

So what chance does our guy at 2805 3rd have?


But that dose of reality still won't deter him nor hundreds of other Long Beach sellers from enjoying their fool's paradise. To their dying breath they will defend their entitlement to massive bubble profits--market realities be damned. And some buyers have been bluffed into believing these prices have some footing in reality! Fools being fooled by fools fooling themselves. Like one continuous circle of Duh.

Sometimes I get the feeling that the return to normalcy and reasonably affordable housing for hardworking people is nothing but a fata morgana, one that gets further away the closer we seem to get.