Monday, October 25, 2010

Spanish Why

6915 SEASIDE Walk, Long Beach, CA 90803
Wishing Price: $3,300,000
Beds: 4
Baths: 2.5
Sq. Ft.: 3,498
$/Sq. Ft.: $943
Lot Size: 2,394 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 2002
Community: Belmont Shore/Park/Naples/Marina Pacific/Bay Harbor
MLS#: P715930
On Redfin: 294 days
Down Payment: $660,000
Income Requirement: $754,000
Monthly Nut: $18,000
Description: Private Spectacular Location, Oceanfront, on the Sand with Awesome Panoramic Views of Catalina Island, Port of Long Beach, Seal Beach, Alamitos Bay and Naples Island. This gorgeous tri-level Mediterranean (2002 new construction) Peninsula home provides effortless waterfront living and entertaining. Dramatic sweeping spiral staircase leads you from the first to the second and third levels wrapping the circular turret. This open and airy floor plan has high ceilings, gorgeous architectural details including barrel ceilings and beautiful arches. Gourmet kitchen with granite counters, Bosch dishwasher, custom cabinetry, over-sized center island, Master Bath has a Hydro-System Whirlpool (78 x 44 x 21, 105 gal) bath. This incredible property must be seen to be appreciated custom paint, hardwood and travertine flooring, custom draperies, lighting and architectural details with absolutely incredible custom-design ceramic tile, large private patio over looks the Pacific Ocean.

I'll never understand sellers like this.

You've been collecting dust on the MLS for a few months shy of a year, yet your listing price has only come down $195,000, or 5.5 percent.

Five point five!

What the fuck are you waiting for, these appliances to come back into style?

Need I remind you that you're asking THREE POINT THREE MILLION DOLLARS?

There's simply no excuse for those old-ass appliances. I realize this place was built in 2002, but I'm reasonably sure stainless steel was popular even back then.

And even if it wasn't, you're asking THREE POINT THREE MILLION DOLLARS!

High-end buyers looking to drop that much loot expect Viking appliances at a minimum.

If the rest of the details and materials were as impressive as your staircase... might be onto something.

But instead we get Mehhh-morial Day:

My dude, you need to get in the game.

By now it's exceedingly obvious that buyers aren't willing to shell out $18,000 in monthly outlays (yes, you read that correctly) for your idea of an "incredible property."

Plus, your Spanish theme is alright, but I think it looks cheesy and inconsistent with a high-end house (and wholly inconsistent with the modern exterior design).

For $943 per square foot(!), buyers are looking for The Four Seasons, not the The #4 at SuperMex.

Furthermore, you purchased in 2001 for a million clams...even after construction costs (which couldn't have been that much -- it's not like you splurged anywhere) you should still have a lot of equity and a nice, comfortable cushion.

Yet here you are, watching your property rot before your very eyes. And your obstinance is even more confounding when you consider the insane number of days you've been begging on the market, news of housing prices not only not recovering but in fact entering a double-dip, and reports of massive government layoffs (what were once thought to be "stable" jobs that home sellers could count on).

I just can't figure out why you're so reluctant to accept reality, lower the price, and get it sold.


"Seller/Owner/Principal Real Estate Licensed"

Say no more.

Well, one last thing: Can I just congratulate you in advance on your second year on the market?


  1. While I look forward to reading you comments, one theme constantly overlooked is around 50% of the MLS listings are never sold. People just place their homes on the market for ridiculous prices and hope someone is stupid enough to buy. Stupid is my opinion, reasonable price and worth every penny is their opinion. Then they drop the price less than 5% to make sure they are not missing someone a little less stupid. Those are the listings that seem to peak your interest. Keep writing.

  2. Geezus! The cheap white metal garage door is NOT what I'd have expected. Can't believe any designer would have signed up for that eye sore.

  3. Maybe it's me, but I have always assumed that people that could afford to buy and 'upgrade' higher end RE would be a little more in tune to what is going on in the real world. Another assumption shot to shit, I suppose.
    Maybe this guy is going after the 'drunk millionaire' crowd....or rich foreign investors with tons of fuck-you money. Then again, if we go Zimbabwe it night be a smart move to lever up and take the plunge....pick up a place for what will eventually be the cost of a loaf of bread.
    I have the $$, but not the balls (crystal or otherwise).
    GREAT WRITING, by the way. Never miss it.

  4. Enjoyed this one El Bee- especially the SuperMex reference ;-)
    I found this one today: a great example of idiots seemingly ignoring all the avalanche of danger signals they'd have a really hard time missing back in 2008:

    Yikes, now they think their tiny little slice o' Tijuana is worth over $700 a square!

  5. El Bee,

    If you want some addtl proof of the lunacy that continues to pervade in zombified LBC, check out 3322 Roxanne near the El Dorado Park area. Home is in pending status at approx. $530/ sq ft for an 1130 sq ft home built in 1953. Sure, it's a "special snowflake" Cliff May shack, but "come on man!". I find it rather ironic that AMC has a new show titled: "The Walking Dead". It's clear that Long Beach is infested with stupified Zombies that can still sign documentation with total disregard to their bank accounts. Maybe it's a new paradigm given that dead Michael Jackson is making more money than he was when he was still moonwalking.

  6. Anon,

    3322 Roxanne is pending for just 10% off the peak price. Crazy.

    While I agree $600,000 is too much for too little in this case, you have to admit that's a sweet house. A Cliff May in that condition deserves a significant premium.

    At these interest rates, $600,000 isn't that crazy for most people. A working couple, each pulling in $65,000 per year, could reasonably afford that place.

  7. "A working couple, each pulling in $65,000 per year, could reasonably afford that place. "

    Is this the REAL El Bee saying this?
    I think the only jobs that are 'safe' right now are SENIOR gov't employees. Not sure I'd role the dice on counting on two incomes being steady for the next 30 years.

    Of course I may be overly dissing the benefits of owning a 57 year old home that may or may not be needing some sort of major maintenance in the next 30 years while barely being able to handle the mortgage.
    I should also add that the only time I comment is after a liquid lunch, so please take all my comments with a grain of salt...and a shot of tequila.

  8. SR,

    Why so negative? I will take a positive spin. I am assuming that they have at least 200K sitting in random savings accounts earning a whopping 2 basis points. They have to do something with the money? So they decide to put 150 or so down.

    One of them assumes that their job is safe, and they also get COLA based increases. Coming soon, once hyper-inflation really takes off, that 400 - 450K mortgage will be easy to pay off, since that lucky earner's salary will skyrocket as well.

    See, wasn't that easy!!!

    (of course, those of us who don't get COLA or even merit based increases languish with $25 loaves of bread.)

    BTW, I think El Bee needs a 2nd site.. :)