Thursday, October 15, 2009


327 Chestnut Ave, 90802
Price: $223,000
Beds: 2
Baths: 2
Sq. Ft.: 910
$/Sq. Ft.: $245
Year Built: 1990
Listing #: 22197353
On Redfin: 47 days
Description: Upgraded 2 Bedroom 2 Bath Top Floor Private End Unit with two Balcony patios with City Light Views. Master has private bath. Pergo Flooring throughout. Western Exposure give lots of light and beautiful sunset views. Stainless Steel and black appliances included. Stove, Dishwasher, Side by Side Refrigerator. Pricess Court is a secure building with Underground Parking with 2 spaces also additional spaces for guests. Three blocks from beach area and Pine street with theateres performaning arts, Hotels Conventions Center restaurants Nightlife next to the Pike. FHA approvedand appraised for full sales price

"Pricess"? Dude, you don't even know the name of your complex?



I mean, what language is this description written in? It's good to know that it's not just realtors who are illiterate dolts.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating: For-sale-by-owner listings consistently out-greed, out-delusion, and out-my-place-is-special than realtor-listed sellers.

Without fail.

First, these photos are pathetic:
More wall than kitchen, way to go Ansel Adams!

And way to highlight whatever the hell is going on with the area where tile meets floor. Watch your step!


Come on, bro. Say what you want about realtors' lack of work ethic and horrendous, frankly embarrassing marketing skills, but only a FSBO could screw things up this badly.

Maybe his philosophy is, "Why should I pay someone to royally fuck up the marketing of my property when I can do that just fine on my own?"

One look at the nearby competition, and it's clear this guy thinks his shabby, cramped apartment is special:

$169,000 327 Chestnut Ave #106 (Hi neighbor!)
0 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 990 Sq. Ft.

$160,000 335 Cedar #208
0.08 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 877 Sq. Ft.

$185,000 350 Cedar Ave #309
0.12 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 1,016 Sq. Ft.

$165,000 401 W 5th St Unit 2b
0.13 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 956 Sq. Ft.

$219,900 640 W 4th St #112
0.2 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 915 Sq. Ft.

$332,640 640 W 4 St #203
0.2 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 945 Sq. Ft.

$144,900 535 Magnolia Ave #117
0.2 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 920 Sq. Ft.

$140,000 535 Magnolia Ave #312
0.2 miles 2 bd / 2 ba 966 Sq. Ft.

There is only one nearby listing that exceeds our FSBO's absurd demand, and that clueless bastard has no shot at selling at his 2004 ask (75 days on market).

The cocksure hubris of this FSBO's pricing strategy is emanating like those squiggly stink lines from cartoons.

Just check out this smug closing line:

"FHA approvedand [SIC] appraised for full sales price"

This guy is attempting to use the FHA as third-party credibility to justify his ridiculous demand. But, the FHA has clearly shown they have absolutely NO FUCKING IDEA what they're doing.

To wit:

“It appears destined for a taxpayer bailout in the next 24 to 36 months,” Edward Pinto, a former Fannie Mae executive, said in testimony prepared for the hearing. Mr. Pinto, who was the chief credit officer from 1987 to 1989 for Fannie Mae, went further than most housing analysts and predicted that F.H.A. losses would more than wipe out the agency’s $30 billion of cash reserves.

Need further evidence? Apparently when the (soon-to-be bailed out by us taxpayers) FHA appraised this place for the full sales price of $223,000, they forgot to check the nearby comps.

And by "nearby" I mean IN THE SAME STINKIN' BUILDING:

$140,000 327 Chestnut Ave Apt 112 Sold on May 14, 2009
2 bd / 2 ba 860 Sq. Ft.

$200,000 327 Chestnut Ave Apt 210 Sold on Aug 24, 2009
2 bd / 2 ba 1,010 Sq. Ft.

The latter property is 100 square feet larger and still sold for $23,000 less! So after #210 was appraised for, and sold for $200,000, how exactly did the FHA determine the FSBO in the same building was worth nearly 25k more?

The Federal Housing Administration: Your taxpayer lunch.


  1. I think he mentioned Performaning because he's expecting the buyer to have a Conformaning 30 year faxed lone...

  2. Hi El Bee,

    Thanks for the laughs!!!!!!!

    Goodness, you should start your own half hour Dave Chapelle type, comedy/real-estate show. Seriously!!

    Anyways all jokes aside, I was wondering what your take is on this neighborhood, just north of City Hall and the Police Station?

    I was always thinking, that IF Long Beach ever "comes up", and becomes something slightly similar to Hermosa/Manhattan Beach, that this area would be the one with the biggest rise...

    I thought this was going to happen a couple years ago, but now it looks like it may NEVER happen.

    What are YOUR thoughts on this area?

  3. Hey Mike,

    I know your question was specifically for El Bee (YOUR thoughts), but perhaps I can tack on to his reply. I live in the specific area you are inquiring about and after a few years living there, I believe I have some acute insight. Are the comments welcome?

  4. Anton,

    You'll have more insight than I will, so please share.

    For the record, I'm always rooting for Long Beach. I just think with our bleak economic outlook in this state and country, it will be a long time before Long Beach becomes the city I know it has the potential to be.

    But that doesn't mean it won't happen.

  5. Anton, most welcome!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks very much in advance.

    My mom is quite afraid of that area, but she's afraid of practically everything that moves. lol

    Seriously though, I've heard that there is a lot of crime, and a lot of zombies walking the streets at night... and by zombies, I mean the crack heads, and all the rest of the crazies and criminals.

    I also see that there appear to be some mexican houses, that appear to house more than just one family...... (no offense to anyone)

    I really don't know too much, cause I don't ever spend time over there, except to visit City Hall, and or Pine street/Shoreline area.

    My thinking though, is that this area is close proximity to both Pine and Shoreline, and the beach, and as such, has really good potential to increase in value...... and right now, it's kinda extra ghetto, but if you can survive that, you might prosper greatly in the future.

    What say you?

  6. And El Bee, when I cruise Hermosa, I am kinda blown away.......... I haven't been there in ages, but I remember when I was younger, and what I see now, it's a VERY very nice area.

    It makes me wonder why Long Beach can't be similar.

    I mean, I know we can't have the rows of housing with a beach view like they do, because we don't have the same land setup, but still, that area is SO nice, and Long Beach is a freaking ghetto.

    I just don't get it.

    PARTS of Long Beach are so pretty, but most of the places you see housing, make you cringe.

    As crowded as the housing in Hermosa/Manhattan Beach is, it's all still REALLY really nice.

    Wish I could afford to live there.


  7. Mike,

    Imagine Two-Face from Batman. That's a good place to start.
    Long Beach's problems are complex and many. Let's focus on the specific area just north of City Hall and the Police Station, the area near the property in this post. You are really on the border of two worlds.
    I know, right? Close as hell to Pine, Shoreline, etc. How can that NOT be a winner? That's what people who bought in 06 and 07 thought (ahem, like the asshole writing to you right now). I won’t get into the problems with Pine restaurant/retail.
    I'll start off by answering the question in your last message: Why can't this part of Long Beach be similar to Hermosa?

    One simple answer is the factor that El Bee often uses as a benchmark: Average Income.
    Now that's average, mean. So you may have the few owners who are fair earners that will pick up this average, but you have a large number of low-income or unemployed people. Does this mean they are criminals or bad people? Absolutely not. But that DOES mean that standards of living vary drastically and more importantly, there's a huge disparity among the expectations for quality of life.

    That leads to the next factor: Stakeholders. There are truly slumlords that own tons of units. Units that they bought in some prior decade at basement prices, that they rent at basement prices. They have no incentive to fix a damn thing, invest in the future of the neighborhood, or screen the people they rent to. Couple that with decrepit houses that Grandma bought decades ago, where grandma's kids live and grandma's kid's kids live. They don't have to pay for a thing. These may or may not be the little shits helping to maintain a healthy crime rate. In short, you are surrounded by people that don't care.

    Proximity. You are extremely close to some cool stuff. You are also extremely close to some pretty shitty areas where senseless crime is ingrained in the way of life.

    You see some bizarre shit.
    Full circle on my Two Face point. Some days: peaceful as can be. Walk with your girl to a nice dinner, grab a little Pinkberry, take in the fresh sea air. Cool, right?
    Other days: your windshield gets smashed for no apparent reason, people start shit with you for no reason, homeless individuals defecate around your building.
    You have to be on guard at night.
    I can’t see any of this being reversed until dramatic changes develop that would eliminate the significant obstacles.

    It's an OK area to rent if you’re young, single and playing it fast and loose. You may walk to nightlife, tolerate the variables, and the characters entertain you.
    Trying to get your property ownership underway and invest in your future? Not so much.


    Anton Chigur

  8. damn lol....

    That's a bleak assessment! haha

    But two things -

    1) It sounds like you know wtf you are talking about.


    2) You sound like a pretty darn sharp and intelligent individual.

    Where are the cool people like you and El Bee, Carl, Olaj and others hiding at?

    I'd like to have you all as my neighbors and friends!!!

    Anyways, thanks so much Anton, for helping me out.

    That answers a lot of questions.

    I can definitely relate, cause on my small street by 10th and Termino, we have mostly houses, and a very nice group of neighbors, except.....

    there is one small apartment building. It's only six units, but they recently sold and changed ownership, and these are absentee owners, who've hired a management company, that is also absent.

    Now we've got some Mad Max type of biker outlaw renegades, as neighbors.

    Makes you want to pull a Call of Duty move, and call in an airstrike on the whole building..

    We had an episode with one group of these trolls, and I tried to reason with them. It was like trying to talk to animals.

    The response was "don't let me catch you slippin".

    I was like "really?"....

    Are we on Compton blvd now?

    Are we rival crack slangers, about to start doin drivebys on each other?

    Are you gonna catch me taking grocery bags out the car, and come up and shank me in the back?

    I didn't say all of that, but that was what I was thinkin.

    In my younger days, I would have regulated them, but now being older and more mature, I was really confounded as to having this type of ridiculous/ignorant Jerry Springer type confrontation, with neighbors on my own street.

    Lucky for me, they recently moved out, but new renegade mongrols have taken their place.

    Could be worse though... they are at the end of the street, and the rest of our street is good people.

    *insert resigned Charlie Brown type comment here*

  9. Can you feature this property?

    3135 E 3rd St, Long Beach, CA 90814

    1,000 Sq ft, and on the market for $657,000!!! Discounted $2k off the 2007 sales price. Truly delusional.

  10. Anton, El Bee, or anybody....

    What changes are possible, that would make things better in this hood?

    Considering the slum lords, the family owned properties, etc.... that lead to a lot of "ghetto" neighbors, is there anything that could be done in the foreseeable future, that would change the environment in this area?

    REALLY glad I heard from you Anton.

    My mom has the same exact feelings you do, but she wasn't able to articulate the surrounding factors anywhere near as well.

  11. Mike,

    Thanks for the feedback. Best of luck to you and your family.

    I don't know how to turn this around..

  12. Anton, you got your coin don't you?

    Time for a flip!!!!!! ;->